Just castles in the air, love, castles in the air...

I must be crazy. Of all the colleges I had to choose from, I had to pick the one that no one from my school has ever made it into as my top choice. That's right, dears, my top choice school is now that lovely little place the locals call "Ha'vard". Yes, I loved some of the others schools that I visited, like University of Virginia, but there was just something about it. My dad and I had gotten a bit lost in Cambridge and were running late, but as I walked into Harvard Yard, I just... relaxed. It looked like what I had always pictured a college to be. Actually, forget that. It WAS what I had always pictured a college to be. I finally felt like I had found the school where I belonged. However, I refuse to get my hopes up about my chances of getting in, so even if you think I can, I will not believe you. I'd prefer to believe I won't make it and be surprised if I do than think that I'll make it and be disappointed. Until I find out for sure, though...I'll keep dreaming.

Time? What?

Oh my- I actually have a free moment and an idea of what to write for the first time since... I last posted! Obviously, I've been quite busy. It's really hard to balance work, school, college applications and my billion and a half other activities. However, as I am apparently harder to stalk if I don't update this thing, here you go... ;-)To begin with.... college applications are almost done!! I have like... one and a half left, and then if i decide to do some others, those too. However, as its an incredible relief to have them all off my back, I'm not sure I'll apply anywhere else. I'm kind of worried though; everyone I talk to has either visited way more than I have, plans on applying to way more than I have, or both. I feel almost as if I'm slacking off here or something. It's hard to explain. I think I'm just worried because I have yet to find the college where I can walk on the campus and feel that that is where I belong. I don't know if I will find it though. Every college that I have visited and decided to apply to has been great, but there's always at least one thing I dislike about it. Sometimes it's just a feeling, other times a fact, but it's there. Plus the fact that I don't think I'll get in every where I've applied doesn't help, nor does the fact that I don't know how I'll pay for it. However, I guess I'll have to, to coin a phrase, cross that bridge when I come to it. There's no point in worrying about it now... but I know I still will. I know my apps are done and my grades are up and I can't do anything else but...Oh well.In other news... I keep getting the feeling that I'm going to either let myself down or let someone else down soon. Maybe its pressure from "trying to do too much", as my mom has said, but I'm not sure. Therefore, before I do mess something up, I would like to reinforce the fact that my friends rule. The friends I have now, those that I have lost touch with and those that I still try to keep in touch with even if it's hard... you're just awesome. Even if we lost touch, I owe you something for just being with me for that period of time. You all have at least one memory that's special to me. And those of you that help me deal with everything I put myself through, thanks for dealing with my ranting and bitchiness and complete exhaustion at times. I appreciate it. And everyone else... the people that I try to see... when can we get together? The CRILA meeting tonight ( :-D ) will get some of us together, but the rest? Christmas party?Alright, I'm done. Thinking about college stuff makes me nostalgic/nervous/what-have-you. I can't wait till it's all done and I have more free time. I know the people I'll be spending it with.

How is it that...

How is it that when we were little, days were so much longer than they are now? Is there ever enough time to do anything anymore? My to-do list is miles long, and school hasn't even started yet. Lord save me when it does. But before it starts back up again, here are the main things I have to get done:Summer homeworkCollege visitsShort list, right? haha, I wish. If only I had a little more motivation...And I guess I'm bored too. I'm starting to get tired of being single again, which is never a good thing. I know once school starts back up again, I won't have time to breathe, let alone have a relationship, but for right now, I can help wanting one, even if only for the little time I have left in the summer. I guess I just want someone there to rely on for a bit, especially as I haven't seen many of my friends for most of the summer. I miss them all, so much. If only I could get scheduled to work mornings instead of nights all the time, I would have so much more time to see people in. Maybe I'll have to make some random housecalls next week. We'll see.At the very least, I get to go to the Coldplay concert on Thursday, so I'll see Laura, Adam, and Ashton. :-D Thanks for giving me something to look forward to guys!!As for the rest of you... I will try to visit you all soon. We'll see if I succeed or not. I especially need to see you lovely kids who will be leaving for college in the fall. Keep your fingers crossed for me getting better work schedules!!

Need?

Alright, so I have made a resolve... to try to cut down on my use of the words "need" and "have to" in reference to my own life. After all, when I really sit down to think about it, there are very few things I truly "need" or "have to" have. I already have awesome friends, a good job, I have done so much cool stuff that most people my age can't, my family is (on the whole) together and happy, I have good grades in school and (hopefully) the means to get into a really good college. As much as I do have the occasional bad day, nervous breakdown, or failure, I do have a good life. At the very least, I have the basic necessities (food, clean water, a nice house). How many people don't even have that much? By all accounts, it's quite a few!! Although as of now I lack the means to do much about this, at the very least I can make this minor change.

Basically, I'm not gonna lie....

What a freaking awesome week. Honestly, it was entirely indescribable. People who were there at Outward Bound with me will get it, but people who weren't... I don't think you could understand no matter how much I try to describe it to you. It was just such a crazy time, with so much stuff that doesn't seem like it would be fun, but was when you were there. Getting up at 5 am to go running and jump into a cold mountain stream of melted snow, for instance, probably falls into that category. As does waking up at 3 to hike a mountain when you can't even feel your toes. I don't know... it's impossible to communicate everything I went through last week. I feel almost like a completely different person, but i'm still me at the bottom of it all. Maybe I'm more me than i was before i left? I don't know. Anyways, if you want to know more, ask. I might not be able to tell you everything, or even if i do you might not understand how i enjoyed it as much as i did, but i'll try my best.

Ahh nostalgia...

Wow.... i can't believe it.... almost 2 years. Its been almost two years since we went to England, Ireland and Wales... or should i say on our "Celtic Discovery". It seems both too long and too short a time. On one hand, i can't believe my very first trip friends have only been in my life for two years. You are all such a major part of my life, i can't remember very well what it was like without you and can't imagine ever losing what we have. I have never met another group of people that meshed as well as we did; we really were perfectly suited for each other. On the other hand though, i can remember everything so well... the last night in london (tea in covent gardens at 11pm, the fountain water show and running through it, the double decker bus ride, the millennium bridge, christian reciting hamlet in front of the globe theater...), the ferry ride to and from ireland (the stag party guys in the retro austin-powers-like outfits), the coal mine (eric hitting his head, what was it... 12 times), the cliffs of moher (god those were beautiful, incredible, awe-inspiring... i don't even have the words to describe them. at the very least, they inspired our extremely deep discussion of life and friendship... i almost started crying then)... everything. lately i've been missing you guys so much, wishing only to see you all and go back, both to relive the experience and to make even more memories with some of the greatest people i've ever known. I love you guys. Just remember..."Listen, babyAin't no mountain highAin't no valley lowAin't no river wide enough, babyIf you need me, call meNo matter where you areNo matter how far (don't worry baby)Just call my nameI'll be there in a hurryYou don't have to worry'Cause baby,There ain't no mountain high enoughAin't no valley low enoughAin't no river wide enoughTo keep me from getting to youRemember the dayI set you freeI told youYou could always count on meFrom that day on I made a vowI'll be there when you want meSome way,some how'Cause baby,There ain't no mountain high enoughAin't no valley low enoughAin't no river wide enoughTo keep me from getting to youNo wind, no rainAll winter's coldCan't stop me baby, Cuz you are my own.If you're ever in troubleI'll be there on the double,Just send for me, oh baby.My love is aliveWay down in my heartAlthough we are miles apartIf you ever need a helping handI'll be there on the doubleAs fast as I canDon't you know thatThere ain't no mountain high enoughAin't no valley low enoughAin't no river wide enoughTo keep me from getting to youDon't you know thatThere ain't no mountain high enoughAin't no valley low enoughAin't no river wide enough..."(Everyone else, i love you too... school kids, Australia kids... but lately i've been dreaming constantly of a couple islands off the coast of europe...)

Tired, but a good tired at least.

Wow... what a crazy weekend. Friday was normal... i had to go in to make up an english quiz i had apparently never made up, which is actually good. It should bring my grade back up now, cuz i knew it was too low. Friday night, i ended up not doing anything really, except mowing the lawn until it rained on me and staying up until almost 2 to finish Jen's scrapbook for her graduation party the next day.Then Saturday came along. Just wow. First, i had to get up at like 7:30 in order to go father's day shopping on my way to a colorado meeting in bloomfield. The meeting was so funny though. We had this one activity where we were separated into groups of nine and had to move from one set of cones to another about 30 or so feet away. The catch? We had to move as a group, and could only have 5 points of contact with the ground at any one time (with, for example, one person's two feet being two points). After trying a few different things, such as a hopping piggyback chain (yes, it was as strange as it sounds), we came up with a workable, but very odd looking solution. Four group members (the 3 guys and 1 girl) lay down on their stomachs, and 4 people lay on top of them. The bottom people then proceeded to army crawl their way across the area, with the people on top trying not to fall off or touch the ground. As we started, we could hear all the leaders and the other groups laughing at how ridiculous we looked, and unfortunately were photographed multiple times. The ninth person in the group hopped along with us, actually holding kelly's feet up off the ground by the hem of her pants because she was too tall for the person she was lying on. However, as stupid and strange as we looked, and as many times as we had to stop and wait for everyone else to catch up, we accomplished the goal before everyone else. Go us. I'm really looking forward to this trip- so far, it seems our group has just clicked in a way i haven't seen since my england trip. Everyone is getting along, and we're all really excited. I almost don't want the meetings to end each time, just because they're so much fun. But i had to leave the meeting quickly, because i had to go to jen's graduation party. i succeeded in making her cry with her scrapbook, which was my goal. (I love you jenny!!!) its still really weird to think that she won't be in school next year- i don't know what i'll do without her to help me deal with life in general. But at least she's going to Quinnipiac, so she'll be close. And before i get all sappy, i should move on. From her party, we went to the dave matthews concert, which was both fun and interesting.~*~*~Things I Have Learned From The Dave Matthews Band Concert~*~*~-Rum and Pepsi is a DISGUSTING drink.-Gatorade and wild berry vodka not only somehow ends up having a coconut overtone to it, but is also much better when you start drinking it than when you finish it (it somehow gets worse as you go along- i guess the taste is easy to get sick of)-A dirty screwdriver, as weird as both the name and recipe sound, actually tastes good-drunk girls will try to kiss you, yes, even if you are their sex and they are normally straight... hide, quickly, because they may also try to show you their shamrock tattoo.... which happens to be on their ass-keep a close eye on your friends if they are normally easy and are now drunk too... not only are they funny, but they might also need you to fend off a few more aggressive "suitors"-cigar smoke does occasionally smell better than cigarette smoke, but not for long-dave matthews is very good in concert-the violinist, Boyd Tinsley, is the coolest guy in the band-the drummer must have every freaking drum ever invented.... i have no idea how he even ever uses all of those-old dave music is definitely still better than new dave music-drunk people are entertaining as hellSo yeah, that was fun. Unfortunately, i had to get up early this morning to go to church (definitely not fun... i was sooo tired), but then we gave dad his fathers day presents and went to see a Rock Cats game with my grandfather (which they won). Over all, its been a good weekend. :-D Now i'm just really tired.